Testing, Testing, 1,2,3… Oh, hey…it’s me again after posting one substack months ago and then feeling the overwhelming sense that my ideas are not good enough or interesting enough.
The goal with this substack was to share ideas that I thought could be interesting or fun to explore. I wanted there to be no real pressure associated with it. I wanted to just explore whatever came to mind. I wanted to bring you all into my world in a different capacity but still within the fashion, interiors, lifestyle, etc. realm that I have been cultivating over the years.
However, a very deeply common pattern for me is to dream up ideas, get really excited about them, try to execute them, then get overwhelmed by them and eventually let them fizzle out…oh the many ideas I have had…
It’s not a quality I like very much but I am trying my best to push through it the best I know how.
I have thought about writing this post for a while. In fact, I have two drafts waiting on here that I have never felt were good enough to share or even finish. It feels like the only way to try and move forward is to acknowledge this quality about me. Perhaps many of you can relate…or at least I hope so.
It's funny the term “perfectionist” I think is often used in a way that leans towards this idea of being highly productive, carefully thought out and beneficial to the “victim” of its choosing. And perhaps for some that is what it lends them…for me though, it pretty much does the opposite. It limits me from following through or being satisfied when I do follow through.
I also wouldn’t have labeled it “perfectionism” if not for my therapist. I think I would have labeled it, lazy, untalented, boring, having no drive, you know all the self deprecating things and narratives I’ve created about myself.
Years ago my therapist asked me if I thought of myself as a perfectionist. It stumped me a bit because on one hand…yes…because I am always trying to achieve this false idea of perfection…but then on the other hand no, because I thought it meant I would be doing things perfectly or yielding high performing results…whatever that means…and even if that were the case, would I even be able to see it?
When I think of perfectionism, I think of this very controlled entity. It’s a place within us that is trying to be protective. It thinks it can protect us from failure, fear, shame, or the feeling of not being good enough. In reality though it robs us of freedom, creativity, curiosity, exploration, learning, etc. All of the things that lead to feeling fulfilled and creating a life to be proud of.
So, I guess I am just writing this out to let you know where I am at. To let you know that if you feel similarly that you aren’t alone in that. And also to hold myself accountable to create, whether I deem myself good enough or not.
Anyways, if you have any ideas of things you’d like me to post about…let me know! I would greatly appreciate it. I promise I will do my best to create more here. And if I don’t…well then now you know why.
Love to you all. <3
Here are some pics of the last couple months:
You wrote about how you weren’t sure you wanted to post because your drafts didn’t seem good enough to finish or share. I think you have such a beautiful life, incredible taste, and a tremendous amount of people who admire you! Anything you post will be interesting, I promise you!! We’re all waiting for your writing with open arms! ❤️
Love this Molly, relate to this trope of life ~DEEPLY~ and especially right now.